Yesterday (Sat) I gotten Count Dooku and Zam Wesell Postcards from a Star Wars online friend. SO Happy! :-)

I still in need of Anakin and either Wesell hasn't pop up at AMK Cinema or I'm too late, I keeping my fingers crossed, hoping I can get them soon too. And if I do get LOTS of Zam Wesell Postcards, I gonna reserver 10-20 pieces for the people at the Zam Wesell Discussion Board. Today, they posted that they don't mind seeing a Purple Wesell online, as they "understand" that costume gonna be my first attempt at doing Armor and they do believe I will keep improving my Wesell as my financial status and skills improve. Hopefully Zam Wesell WILL appear in Singapore this May 16th! Wish me luck!!

Did the test at and gotten this result:

Your view on yourself
Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener; they'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girl/boyfriend you are looking for.
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship.
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love.
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you.
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success?
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of?
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self?
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart, rather than your head, needs to solve.

How 90% true. . . . Especially the fact that occasionally I can be a CONTROL FREAK

The scar inside me is bleeding again. It's painful. It feels so sufforcating. I need someone to hold my hand again . . . I need someone to lead me down the correct path; to love and enjoy me for who I truly am. Why am I like this? Am I always to suffer and keep my feeling deep down inside me? Am I forever to become a domant volcano, ready to explode with the slightest touch? I need love; I need a listening ear. And I need someone to tell me that my dreams will come true, if I work hard for it and hold on to it even with the slightest string attached.

In this time of pain, I read to myself this passage from the Manga Angel Sanctuary:

"You must struggle, suffer even more. But you must never run away.
Even if it is painful, suffocating, you must arise like a phoenix.

When the time comes, you will be even more powerful.

The reason why you feel alone now is because the stars themselves
around you are suffering, hesitating along with you. You will
understand when you grow stronger and realized your surroundings.

You are not alone . . .! Live as you want to live. Ignore the
destiny which torments you.

And in the end laugh in it's face. You can do it. . ."
Zaphikel, AS #2

It seems to lessen the pain but still, there is still a great fire is inside me. It burn strong, ready to consume anything in its path. I just I don't dissect anybody and crush their still beating heart in my palm . . .

I just hope I don't do anymore Self Injury to myself. The scar is not physically there but the pain is. People call what I did as pleasure, most of the time I do it to let my pain flows away with the water. It hurts but it drives away the sorrow. But . . . . I want to stop doing it forever. I'm afraid that it'll become a sin. I'm afraid . . . .

And I just hope my SI don't get physical too much. Today, in a fit of anger toward Catline for her failure to teach us BCE better, I nearly scratch away the skin at the back of my palm. It turn red and I still want it to bleed hard. And tonight why preparing my dinner, I nearly chop away my middle finger with the knife and it doesn't hurt!

Should I go back to what I usual do before I sleep. To let myself "feel" the pain, to let the bullets and laser to run through my body? To allow my bones to break away like they are twigs? I donno . . . I just DON'T KNOW . . .

2 Weeks more to my exam, D'oh! And I'm still in dream land concerning BCE. I HATE RAQUEL CATLINE!!! HOPE SHE WILL DROP DOWN AND DIE NOW!!

*Mini Maul Came Down and calm down his mistres**

Okay, okay, back to the RL. I been trying to pick up again the pieces and go back to my self. Be more organize I guess. And I still got to finish my Star Wars Costumes, especially Zam Wesell.

Till then, DE out.